Season 1, Episode 2: Sleep

  • In the podcast episode “2. Baby Myths Busted: Sleep,” the hosts stress the importance of allowing babies to lead, providing comfort, and encouraging breastfeeding to address their cues and needs. They reference Dr. Howard Chilton’s book “Baby on Board” and discuss allowing babies to fall asleep on the breast for comfort and feeding. Swaddling techniques are mentioned, along with creating a small, confined, and dark space for the baby to sleep. The conversation highlights respecting the baby’s innate intelligence, supporting their parasympathetic nervous system, and creating a calming environment for the family. Suitable clothing for sleep is recommended, including long PJs, layers, and sleeping bags with free arms. The hosts also emphasize alternating between back, belly, and side positions for baby sleep and stress the unpredictability of infant sleep patterns, concluding with a reminder of parental responsibility.

  • Unveiling the Truth: Rethinking Baby Sleep and Comfort

    Are you a new parent, or are you expecting a little one soon? Have you found yourself inundated with conflicting advice on how to ensure your baby gets the best sleep possible? Look no further! In the latest episode of the podcast, “2. Baby Myths Busted: Sleep,” hosts delve deep into the world of baby sleep, busting myths and revealing the truth about what your baby really needs to rest peacefully.

    The conversation revolves around a pivotal resource, Dr. Howard Chilton’s book “Baby on Board,” which emphasizes the significance of understanding and responding to your baby’s cues. The hosts stress the importance of allowing babies to take the lead, advocating for comforting practices and promoting breastfeeding to address their needs. This refreshing perspective challenges conventional wisdom and encourages a more natural, intuitive approach to baby care.

    One of the key takeaways from the podcast is the concept of allowing babies to fall asleep on the breast for both comfort and feeding, acknowledging the innate intelligence of babies and the importance of supporting their parasympathetic nervous system. The discussion also touches on swaddling techniques and the creation of a small, confined, and dark space for the baby to sleep, creating a calming environment for the entire family.

    Practical tips for creating a soothing sleep environment are also highlighted, including suitable clothing such as long PJs, layers, and sleeping bags with free arms. Additionally, the hosts emphasize the importance of alternating between back, belly, and side positions for baby sleep, acknowledging the unpredictability of infant sleep patterns and concluding with a gentle reminder of parental responsibility.

    This eye-opening episode challenges common misconceptions and empowers parents to trust their instincts and embrace a more nurturing approach to baby sleep. So, if you’re ready to explore a fresh perspective on infant sleep and comfort, be sure to tune in to this enlightening podcast episode.

    Remember, every baby is unique, and by understanding their individual needs and cues, you can create a peaceful and supportive environment for your little one to thrive.

    Join the conversation and gain valuable insights that will help you and your baby get the rest you both deserve. Don’t miss out on this essential discussion that is sure to change the way you think about baby sleep and care!

    Listen to the full episode now and embark on a journey to discover the truth about baby sleep and comfort.

  • Title: Baby Myths Busted: Sleep

    Hosts: [Insert Host Names]

    Episode Summary: In this episode, the hosts delve into the world of baby sleep, debunking common myths and emphasizing the importance of responsive parenting. They draw from Dr. Howard Chilton’s book “Baby on Board” as they discuss the significance of allowing babies to take the lead and providing comfort. The conversation revolves around addressing cues and needs, with a particular focus on encouraging breastfeeding for both nourishment and comfort. The hosts touch upon swaddling techniques and the creation of a small, confined, and dark sleep space to foster a calming environment for the baby and the family.

    Main Themes:

    Responsive Parenting: The hosts stress the importance of allowing babies to guide their own sleep patterns and needs, emphasizing the role of parents in providing comfort and support.

    Breastfeeding and Comfort: The conversation highlights the role of breastfeeding in addressing a baby’s cues for both nourishment and comfort, including the idea of allowing babies to fall asleep on the breast.

    Creating a Calming Environment: The hosts discuss strategies for creating a calming sleep environment, including swaddling techniques and the creation of a small, confined, and dark space for the baby to sleep.

    Respect for Baby’s Innate Intelligence: The hosts underscore the importance of respecting the baby’s innate intelligence and supporting their parasympathetic nervous system through responsive parenting and a calming sleep environment.

    Sleep Positioning and Clothing: The hosts recommend suitable clothing for sleep, including long PJs, layers, and sleeping bags with free arms, and emphasize alternating between back, belly, and side positions for baby sleep.

    Unpredictability of Infant Sleep: The episode concludes with a reminder of the unpredictable nature of infant sleep patterns and the responsibility of parents in fostering a supportive sleep environment.

    This episode provides valuable insights into debunking myths surrounding baby sleep and emphasizes the significance of responsive parenting, creating a calming sleep environment, and understanding the cues and needs of infants.

  • 00:00 - 00:16

    Baby Myths Busted. A practical guide to giving your child the best start in life.

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    Hi, everybody. Welcome back. Thank you for tuning into this episode of our podcast,

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    Baby Myths Busted. I am Jacqui and I'm here with my husband, Simon. Hello, Simon.

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    Hello, Jacqueline.

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    Today, we are talking about sleep. So, probably one of the most crossed over topics when it comes

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    to babies.

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    And also extremely divisive.

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    Yeah, very divisive. Now, if you are not impressed with your baby's sleep,

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    then stay where you are because we've got quite a lot we're covering today.

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    So, you come across parents all the time who say their baby's an awkward sleeper. They struggle

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    to settle. They wake up a lot at night time. They're really restless or they fight sleep

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    when you put them down at naptime and at bedtime. Somehow, not bragging, but both of our children

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    are very good sleepers. Early days, yeah, difficulties. But once we figured out,

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    I don't know, a few things, somehow we've got some really wonderful sleepers at home.

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    Consistency.

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    Consistency is key. Yes, we're very habitual by nature, but definitely when it comes to the

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    children. So, if we're late to put the kids to bed, they usually come over to us and say,

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    I want to read a book or I want to go to bed. So, now, hard work pays off. So, it's no,

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    it's not okay that babies are missing out on sleep or they're getting put to bed at 10.30

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    and waking up at 4.30, 5 o'clock in the morning. They need sleep. If they're skipping naps when

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    they're less than one year old, whatever, if they're doing it on a regular basis, it's not

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    okay. They actually need a really good deal of sleep.

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    They need 12 to 14 hours of sleep a day.

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    Yeah, there you go. Otherwise, it affects them both physically and mentally. And there is usually

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    something that you can do. You'd come across parents all the time talking to friends,

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    talking to relatives, whoever, mother's group, classic for it, who say their baby's not good

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    sleepers or they struggle to settle. They're not napping during the day. It does affect their

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    development physically and mentally. It's not okay. And there's usually something that you can do.

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    You need about, well, depending on what part of the first year of life you are in,

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    your baby needs at least 12 to 16 hours of sleep a day.

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    Yeah. And that's daytime naps and nighttime put together, right?

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    Ideally.

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    Yeah. 24 hour period.

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    You need 12 to 16 hours.

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    Yeah. Doing at least half of it asleep.

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    Yep.

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    Now, what's normal? So one of the things that I hear most about is cluster feeding. I don't

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    think people even really call it cluster feeding. They just say my baby needs to have so much in

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    the afternoons and I top them up with formula because it settles them down and, and helps them

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    to sleep. So witching hour is real. We had witching hour with both kids and it was tough,

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    but cluster feeding in the afternoon, accept it, right? No top-up feeds. It's a natural thing.

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    Your baby has an innate intelligence. It knows that it needs a lot of a certain type of milk

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    at certain times of day.

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    But even if it's not milk, even if it's just comfort, because witching hour is essentially

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    discomfort psychologically, mentally, emotionally.

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    Because it's the end of the day and they've been exposed to a lot of stimulus. No.

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    No. Witching hour usually happens or usually starts happening somewhere between that six

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    and eight week mark. And that is often, well, it is very much linked with your baby's ability to

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    see things a lot more clearly. So at six weeks of age, they can actually fixate with their eyes

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    onto objects. And so then the world becomes so much larger to them. There's so many more things

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    in it instead of everything just being a fuzzy blur. They're seeing specific objects, seeing

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    your face, seeing the dog, seeing the sprained wife over there, like seeing the, whatever it is,

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    they're seeing everything. And so it's overwhelming.

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    Yeah.

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    And the reason why it's witching hour, say they woke up in the morning, they've had all day

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    seeing all of this stimulus and you get to the point of say three in the four in the afternoon

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    and they are done. And so the only way they can express that they are done is by being upset.

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    Okay. Because that's how they communicate. The only way they can communicate is to cry.

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    Yeah.

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    Make noise. Yeah.

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    And so then I suppose our role as parents is to be able to recognize that, understand that this

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    is what they're actually going through. But they're not just crying or trying to cluster

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    feed for no reason. They're doing it because they're seeking comfort.

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    Yeah. And they get comfort by being on the breast.

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    Yeah.

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    So there's people out there who say, don't let your baby be on the breast for comfort only,

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    only use it for feeding. But I completely disagree with those kinds of statements because

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    it is a comfort thing.

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    Absolutely. Because you're not only getting the comfort from the feeding part of it,

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    but you're also getting the emotional, physical touch from the mother or whoever is giving you

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    the care at the same time. So there's a, I suppose the reason why dummies or pacifiers

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    sort of became popular is because of what they do to try to calm a child. And it has been thought

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    for a long time that it's the sucking action that actually calms, but it's not so much them sucking

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    on a dummy or whatever. It's just the fact that something is at the top of their mouth.

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    And so if you're having something at the top of your mouth, a dummy or your tongue or nipple,

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    for example, that sends a automatic response to your parasympathetic nervous system, which is your

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    rest, digest, relax, recover part of your nervous system, opposing the fight, fright or flight

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    response, which they're currently in during their witching hour because they just can't,

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    don't know how to control all this stimulus that they're getting. And it just helps them to calm

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    down. Right. So you said your tongue, meaning the baby's tongue. So can the baby get to a point

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    where they can place their own tongue on the roof of their mouth and comfort themselves?

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    Well, the natural position for the tongue, if you're not chewing, eating and drinking,

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    is for your tongue to be in the roof of your mouth between behind your two front teeth and

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    the rest of the tongue laid up onto the roof of your mouth. That is the natural position for your

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    tongue. Every human should be able to do that. I bet everyone will be trying that right now.

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    So is that something that develops or does that not develop in people?

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    Sometimes it won't develop in people. And usually those people with headaches and migraines,

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    very commonly. Or in young babies, you'll see other things like chronic tonsillitis,

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    having adenoids and all those respiratory things occur.

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    Why is that?

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    Because they have to be mouth breathers and they can't breathe through their nose.

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    Really?

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    If your tongue cannot sit at the top of your mouth, you have to breathe through your mouth.

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    Really? Okay. And so, okay, hang on. When you breathe in through your nose,

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    all your nose hairs act as filters. That's stage one of your immune system.

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    Correct.

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    All right. So you skip that if you're a mouth breather.

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    Correct.

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    You don't have the same little nose hairs all through your mouth.

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    No.

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    So is that why your tonsils and things get attacked?

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    Yes.

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    Right. Wow. The number of people who have tonsils and adenoids out is huge. And I've heard teeth

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    affects the positioning of the teeth where your tongue is.

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    Well, your tongue is the sculptor of your jaw and your mouth. So without it, then you've got

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    less of a chance of creating a nice wide palate so that your teeth don't crowd over and

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    also then jaw matching up from top to bottom, all those types of things.

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    Yeah. Wow. Okay.

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    So your tongue is pretty important.

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    Pretty important. Okay. So when your baby is cluster feeding, so if their tongue is okay and

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    they don't have any like ties or anything restricting it from getting to that position,

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    and if they can get the nipple into their mouth and get a good latch, then it's about

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    your sympathetic nervous system and trying to support the parasympathetic nervous system. Right?

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    Well, all those things are comfort. And so comfort

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    stimulates that chill out part of your nervous system.

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    Okay.

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    So yeah, you got to try and even the keel, so to speak, between your parasympathetic

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    and your sympathetic. So if you're not used to seeing something a lot,

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    it just gets overstimulating. Like that could be, you haven't been to a nightclub before and

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    you see the lights sparking at you all the way around. It's just really overstimulating for you

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    as an adult. Same thing happened as a child.

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    Well, I suppose you see children, not babies, but toddlers and even school kids go somewhere

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    for the first time. I remember our eldest went to the museum when he was, I don't know,

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    three or something for the first time and it was massive and there was so much in it and he loved

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    it. He was so excited, but by the end he was so overstimulated and he just wanted to roll on the

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    floor in a little ball to settle himself down. Yeah.

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    This is where I suppose people think like an overtiredness is a factor.

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    Yeah.

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    It's not so much like a true fatigue, I need to go to sleep thing.

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    It's just, there's too much going on, shut me in a dark room and play me some relaxing music.

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    And that's exactly what you should do, right? Pretty much.

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    Well, you got to find something that is calming for everybody.

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    Yeah.

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    So our first born was, let's turn on some music, go to the bathroom,

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    have a hot bath and float in the water. And that was relaxing.

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    But somebody else will have something else that's relaxing, but you just need to find that

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    relaxing thing and you just do it every day until they can get used to the new stimulus again.

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    Yeah. Swaddling was a big one for our family.

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    Swaddling is fantastic.

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    All right. So cluster feeding, it's real, it happens, it's part of development, right?

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    Yep.

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    Comfort them in any way you can, comfort the mother, comfort anyone who's in the room.

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    Yep.

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    All right. So whatever that may be to help emphasize your parasympathetic nervous system

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    and sort of settle your sympathetic nervous system, relaxing music, dull the lights a bit,

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    put a candle on, whatever it is.

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    Just get out of the house if you need to.

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    Yeah, go for a walk.

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    Put the baby in the pram and go for a walk, something like that.

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    You just need to change the environment and make the environment less intrusive to your child

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    so they can start to relax in themselves.

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    Yep. So get through it. It will finish one day.

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    Try to avoid top-up feeds in the bottle with formula.

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    By the time you get to three months, it'll settle down.

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    Yep. If you want to hear about bottles, feeding with bottles,

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    go back to our first podcast, breastfeeding.

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    But try to avoid top-up feeds with formula for many reasons,

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    but just try and let everything flow as naturally as possible.

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    Well, it's just usually, it's not a hunger thing.

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    No, no. And sometimes kids will sort of pass out of it after having formula

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    because they got a full feed and it's sort of not the same as breast milk.

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    Well, it's just harder to digest.

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    Yeah.

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    So if you have something as an adult that's hard to digest, you feel sleepy.

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    Yeah.

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    Same thing, guys.

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    Yeah. Now, what about waking up a lot at night in early days, particularly?

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    Maybe they don't feed as much during the day.

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    Maybe it's all at night, not much during the day.

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    Normal.

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    Yep. And extremely healthy.

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    Yes, because again, your humans, so your babies, have an innate intelligence.

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    And so they know that the best breast milk is usually produced at night time due to hormones

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    and melatonin levels and things like that.

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    The most nutritious and like nutritionally dense breast milk comes to mothers at night time.

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    Yeah.

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    And so the baby knows that. So let it happen.

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    As annoying as it is, and if you have to get up a million times a night to make this happen,

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    you just do it because it will end.

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    Yeah.

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    I guarantee you that.

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    You do it and you keep the lights dimmed or off and you move slowly and you just try and

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    be as relaxed as possible so it doesn't interrupt your sleep as much either.

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    If you go in and turn the lights on and get your phone out and start scrolling through

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    Instagram or whatever, it's going to be hard for both of you to get back to sleep.

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    Yeah.

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    But just accept it.

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    Same as cluster feeding.

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    It's going to happen.

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    It'll stop one day.

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    Waking up a lot at night time, going to happen.

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    It'll stop one day.

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    If you want a child that will actually sleep well though, as they get older,

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    you need to allow them to feed at night to get the melatonin so it understands how to utilize it.

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    It's all learning experience for the child. They don't know how to do anything.

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    True.

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    You've got to be able to allow these learnings to happen.

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    Yeah. And I don't know, maybe that's partly why our boys sleep so well too,

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    because I breastfed them every single time. They pretty much made a noise.

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    I also didn't listen to other mothers who were telling me how well their baby slept

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    at night time and they were sleeping through the night from three months of age or six

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    weeks of age or whatever. Ollie was about 10 months and then he started sleeping through.

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    Addy slept through for a couple of months, early days, and then he

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    woke up again and he probably didn't sleep through properly until, I don't know,

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    about 16 months or something.

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    Yeah. It was probably up once or nine until then.

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    Yeah. It was one night for a long time, but I didn't mind. It was also going to be my last

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    child, so it was actually a beautiful thing to do, I felt anyway. So just live it and love it.

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    We just plan it too. If you're formula feeding, then it makes it easier to plan, but our rule,

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    or if the mother is expressing breast milk, it makes it easier to plan. But we had a rule in

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    our household. Anything before 1am, I was in charge of. Anything after 1am, Jackie was in

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    charge of.

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    So that was for Ollie, our first one. For Addy, I didn't express milk, so we didn't have that

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    option. So I was up every time, but it was either that or pump the milk. I didn't want to do that.

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    Yeah. Take your pick.

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    Yeah. Take your pick.

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    But all these early days and the struggles and having no sleep will pay dividends in the end

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    because you are inherently teaching your child to sleep well.

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    So please be patient. It 100% pays off. Now, illness, teething, developmental milestones,

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    they all legitimately affect sleep?

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    Yep.

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    Yeah. Okay. So again, they don't usually last very long. What to do? From an immunity

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    perspective, avoid giving your baby medications, Panadols, Nurofins, teething gels, things like

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    that for as long as possible, because the minute you give your baby something like that,

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    it takes over from the immune system and it stops the baby's immune system from naturally

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    developing that ability to cope with pain. So I mean, do it if it's necessary, but try to avoid

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    it. Don't make it your first point of call.

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    If you've got a low grade temperature, I would not be using anything except a cold washer.

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    Yeah, we did that. We did that a lot.

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    If you've got a really high grade temperature and you're really absolutely worried about it,

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    then yes, you go the whole hog. But if you've just got a low grade something or you're just

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    not sure what it is, just manage their symptoms. So if they feel hot, cool them down, for example.

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    Or at least try it first.

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    So yeah, those things will happen. The best thing for all of those things is breast milk. So I

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    remember camping out on the pull-out sofa in the baby's room because of something, I don't know,

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    teething or our son wasn't well or whatever it was. So I just gave in and lay on the fold-out

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    sofa and he lay next to me and he woke up however often and rolled him over for a feed and we both

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    passed out together probably half an hour later. Did it again, did it again, did it again. Lasted

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    one, maybe two nights, but that was it. I still got some sleep, but you get through.

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    So now mixing up daytime and nighttime. I guess that's just really the baby trying to be up

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    during the night to get the best breast milk, right?

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    They understand the concept of mixing up day and night. They're not doing it deliberately.

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    They don't understand. They don't have a concept of that. The womb is dark. It's a dark place.

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    They like dark places. So they can't be scared of the dark. They don't understand that it's

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    daytime and I should be awake and doing stuff. They don't understand that. They only respond to

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    the stimulus that they're given, which that might be like an optical stimulus providing

    17:03 - 17:07

    the environment that you're around, or is it the hormone regulation that you get from breast milk

    17:07 - 17:11

    or whatever that might be. There's a million different things that contribute to being able

    17:11 - 17:15

    to identify where you are in space and time, but yeah, it's not a thing.

    17:16 - 17:23

    So on that, you put a child to bed and you put them to bed at maybe, I don't know,

    17:24 - 17:33

    7.30, 8 o'clock and they are fighting sleep for like an hour or more. Have you missed the bus?

    17:33 - 17:34

    You've missed the queues.

    17:34 - 17:36

    Because they're so overstimulated.

    17:37 - 17:42

    Because now you've gone from someone who's tired and trying to just relax themselves so they can go

    17:42 - 17:48

    to sleep, which babies struggle to do because they just don't understand the concept of trying to get

    17:48 - 17:52

    this sympathetic nervous system to kick into gear naturally. You've got to help them. You've got to

    17:52 - 17:58

    show them comfort. So they learn how to do it themselves. They just get overtired and just go

    17:58 - 18:02

    sympathetic nervous system, fight, fright or flight, and then just go crazy.

    18:02 - 18:06

    So if you put your baby down at nighttime or during the day and they just fight and fight

    18:06 - 18:11

    and fight and they do it every night, bring it forward 15 minutes, try again the next night,

    18:11 - 18:14

    still doesn't work, bring it forward 15 minutes, try again the next night.

    18:14 - 18:19

    You've just got to be really attentive to your child in terms of the external queues that they

    18:19 - 18:20

    give.

    18:20 - 18:24

    Yeah, which some people would be able to see them better. You saw them a lot better than I did,

    18:25 - 18:27

    but I guess, I don't know.

    18:27 - 18:29

    And each baby will have different queues.

    18:29 - 18:29

    Yeah, true.

    18:30 - 18:33

    There's heaps of data out there about what those queues are and you can start to look for them,

    18:33 - 18:34

    but...

    18:34 - 18:36

    And it might be one or two queues. It might not be the whole list.

    18:36 - 18:41

    So they might not be yawning, pulling at their ears or whatever it is, rubbing their eyes.

    18:41 - 18:43

    When you get to the pulley, you've gone past it.

    18:43 - 18:44

    Yeah, that's, yeah.

    18:45 - 18:51

    Yeah, and if they are chilled and then they go to wired, yeah, they miss the bus.

    18:51 - 18:51

    Yeah.

    18:51 - 18:54

    So, yeah, it's all about routine.

    18:54 - 19:03

    Got to get onto it early. So, we were in no way a strict routine following, you must sleep here

    19:03 - 19:09

    and here, but our goal was to get first day sleep at 10 o'clock, then second day sleep at two o'clock

    19:09 - 19:11

    and then in bed by six.

    19:11 - 19:13

    Yeah, and they still go to bed at six.

    19:13 - 19:19

    That was essentially the pattern that we loosely followed.

    19:19 - 19:19

    Yeah.

    19:19 - 19:22

    We didn't, we weren't strict, oh, it's 10 o'clock, you must be in bed.

    19:22 - 19:27

    If they were tired beforehand, they go to bed earlier. If they weren't, they went later.

    19:27 - 19:27

    Yeah.

    19:27 - 19:33

    It's just around 10 or two and six, that is, those are the times that they were tired from

    19:33 - 19:37

    our perspective, looking at their queues before they went to the overtired stage.

    19:37 - 19:41

    Yeah. So if overtired, if they're fighting their sleep, it's not because they don't need sleep

    19:42 - 19:45

    and they're allowed to stay up longer. It's because you're too late.

    19:45 - 19:50

    And it's the old, oh, they just want to get up and play. Yeah. That's because they're trying to,

    19:50 - 19:53

    they're just living in this sympathetic nervous system moment.

    19:53 - 19:54

    Yeah.

    19:54 - 19:57

    And you just can't get them out of that. They just want to play. They just want to play. Well,

    19:57 - 20:01

    they don't, well, they may want to play, but it's not the best thing for them.

    20:01 - 20:01

    But they shouldn't.

    20:01 - 20:04

    And you need to try and figure out a way to get them to settle themselves down.

    20:04 - 20:10

    So essentially, let the baby lead, right? They're cluster feeding, they're feeding at nighttime,

    20:10 - 20:14

    they're showing you some sleep cues, just put them, give them comfort,

    20:14 - 20:16

    help them with their parasympathetic nervous system.

    20:16 - 20:20

    Give them comfort first. And if you are breastfeeding, just put them on the boob first.

    20:21 - 20:25

    And if they fall asleep, sweet as, done. See you later. That is the easiest way to check out cues.

    20:25 - 20:26

    Yeah. Yeah. True.

    20:26 - 20:29

    Because then you can reflect back on what happened in the 10, 15 minutes or 30 minutes

    20:29 - 20:34

    before that and go, what behaviors were they showing? And then you go, oh, cool. I'll have

    20:34 - 20:37

    to look out for them next time. And then off you go.

    20:37 - 20:42

    And do allow your baby to fall asleep on the boob. There's so many people out there who do

    20:42 - 20:47

    not want to let their baby fall asleep on the boob. I think the main reason that they're told

    20:47 - 20:52

    is because eventually they won't be able to learn how to settle themselves to sleep.

    20:52 - 20:53

    That is the theory, yeah.

    20:53 - 20:57

    But, oh, there's no way. I just, I let our...

    20:57 - 21:27

    себÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ But, oh, there's no way. I just let our babies fall asleep on the boob all the time. They don't do it now.They weaned themselves off breast milk probably close around 18 or so months, both of them, slowly cut down. And I didn't, I didn't really boost that along at all, but I always let them fall asleep on the boob because if it wasn't a feeding thing, it was a comfort thing. And I didn't know if they wanted to be fed or to be comforted, but I just let them do it. And there's a very good book that we read cover to cover more than once by

    21:27 - 21:37

    Dr. Howard Chilton called, Baby on Board. Baby on Board. And he says in there, if your baby cries, put on the boob, number one thing to do, put it on the boob. And then look at... For

    21:37 - 21:47

    every problem. Yeah, for every problem. Cause you don't know the, you don't know what's wrong with the baby yet, their way of communicating is crying, making noise, so they don't know how to tell

    21:47 - 21:57

    you. They can't really differentiate their cries to say, oh, that's a hungry cry, that's a tired cry. That's a cold cry. It's a cry. Put them on the boob, see what happens. If that doesn't work,

    21:57 - 22:27

    see if they're warm enough, change their nappy, put them on the boob again. So if, well, ideally, how do you settle a baby? Swaddle. Swaddle. Yep. Swaddle would be, well, it is my first option. Old school swaddle, muslin wrap. Yeah. There's actually these really cool swaddles now. What's the brand? I thought it'd be like Space T, Space T with a T-E-A at the end. But it's literally, it's in a sleep suit.

    22:27 - 22:54

    And you just wrapped two ends around and then a bottom to Velcro them together. And then you just sit the sleep suit up underneath. So they're like in a little cocoon. It's not a sleep suit with their arms in there like a starfish. No. Tell me about those. I know you don't like them. I hate them. Yeah. Why? I just hate them from a musculoskeletal development perspective. It just teaches poor patterning, especially if you've been like that for 12 hours.

    22:54 - 23:23

    So you see those babies who look like they're permanently in one of those starfish suits? Yep. With their arms up. In their I surrender position. Yes. Yes. Because they're like living in one of those. Well, you're teaching your child to stabilize its entire body with your shoulder blades, which they're not designed to do. Yeah. Okay. So that's a poor method of stabilizing your body. So yeah, no good. The old muslin wrap. Great. Yeah. Well, find a good swaddle. Yeah. If it's not a muslin wrap and you use that to swaddle them, then find a good one.

    23:23 - 23:52

    Yeah. And use that and then cocoon them in there because they're used to that. Yeah. The womb is a small, confined, dark space. Yeah. And they like the comfort of that. Yeah. So to provide comfort, you need to wrap them in a small, tight, confined space. Yeah. We found it helped significantly with both of our children. And if I did it and it didn't help, Simon would do it. And because he would do it tighter than me, it would help more. Yeah. So yeah, don't be afraid.

    23:52 - 24:08

    Yeah. So muslin wrap or wrap them up, swaddle, whatever, and put them on the boob so they're nice and tight. They're getting the comfort from the breast. They're getting the comfort from the position that they're in. They're warm. They're next to their mother, hearing their mother's heartbeat. Yeah.

    24:08 - 24:17

    Yeah. And if you're a father trying to calm down your child, I would swaddle first and then get them in a position that you feel comfortable in. Yeah. Because they will feel your comfort.

    24:17 - 24:20

    So if all else fails, mimic the womb.

    24:20 - 24:27

    Mimic the womb. Dark, dark place, background noise, swaddled. They will understand, okay, this is my comfort spot.

    24:27 - 24:38

    And so if they're in a social situation and they need to go to sleep or they're getting overstimulated and you can see they're starting to lose their mind a little bit, you got to take them away.

    24:38 - 24:38

    Yep.

    24:38 - 24:47

    If you've got people over at your house, take them away to a bedroom. If you're at someone else's house, take them away to a dark room and try and be in as much silence as possible.

    24:47 - 24:49

    If you're at a wedding, anything like that.

    24:49 - 25:05

    Yep. Simon's saddled many babies at weddings. So yeah, I guess we can help by respecting your baby's innate intelligence and support the parasympathetic nervous system. And to do that, you support your own parasympathetic nervous system. Same thing as what you do when you're trying to breastfeed your baby.

    25:05 - 25:15

    Relaxation, being calm, creating that environment where all parts of the family unit can work together to make sure that the baby can relax.

    25:15 - 25:31

    Yep. So feed them, give them warmth, give them comfort, whether that's in the form of a fresh nappy or emotional comfort. Swaddle. I guess, what do they wear to sleep in? Not one of those little caterpillar suits that pin their arms back.

    25:31 - 25:42

    Muslin wrap, long PJs, whatever it is, layers. And we also used one of those sleeping bags where their arms were free. So it was like they had a blanket on.

    25:42 - 25:50

    Once they could kind of roll or crawl, then we went to one of those bags where their arms were free and we've swaddled them less tightly.

    25:50 - 25:57

    Yeah. Yeah, true. So do you put them down on their belly or backside? What do you do?

    25:57 - 25:58

    To sleep?

    25:58 - 25:58

    Yeah.

    25:59 - 26:09

    Well, if you're following the SIDS program, you've got to put them on your back. But ever since back to belly has been happening, when they first brought it in, it reduced.

    26:10 - 26:16

    There was a reduction in sudden infant deaths originally, and that was when they brought it in would have been late eighties.

    26:16 - 26:31

    And so by the mid nineties, there was a significant reduction. But since the mid nineties to now, there's been a very steady increase in the amount of sudden infant deaths, despite following the protocol of back to sleep.

    26:31 - 26:32

    Interesting.

    26:32 - 26:42

    And there are plenty of other factors that are involved in sudden infant death. So, yes, you just need to do what your baby wants.

    26:43 - 26:43

    Okay.

    26:43 - 26:55

    But as a way to think about it from a developmental perspective, your baby needs to spend a quarter of its time on its back, quarter of its time on its belly, quarter of the time on either side over a 24 hour period.

    26:55 - 26:56

    Right. Okay.

    26:56 - 27:01

    So the easiest way to get time on its side is by putting them to sleep on their side.

    27:02 - 27:05

    In a swaddle, or is this once they can roll?

    27:05 - 27:10

    I would swaddle them on their side. You just put a towel, roll up towel on either side so they don't move.

    27:10 - 27:11

    Yeah, we did do that actually.

    27:12 - 27:19

    Yeah, you just need, if you can find a way to do that, it's extremely helpful for their development.

    27:19 - 27:26

    So in our first episode about breastfeeding, we're talking about a position laying on their side to feed and it's nice and comfortable.

    27:26 - 27:30

    You can control the position, but it's just more time spent on their side.

    27:30 - 27:30

    Yeah.

    27:31 - 27:32

    It's really important for their development.

    27:33 - 27:33

    Excellent.

    27:33 - 27:37

    So there's a lot more to sleep than what you realize, really.

    27:38 - 27:40

    Well, you just need to accept the fact that it's not going to be easy.

    27:41 - 27:45

    For the first 12 months, do not expect your child to sleep through the night.

    27:45 - 27:46

    If they do, high five yourself.

    27:46 - 27:47

    Great.

    27:47 - 27:47

    That's fantastic.

    27:47 - 27:48

    Embrace that.

    27:48 - 27:48

    Yeah.

    27:49 - 27:51

    But do not expect it to happen.

    27:51 - 28:04

    You putting in the hard work to be at your baby's, or meeting your baby's needs in terms of comfort or whatever that might be, will pay dividends moving forward through life.

    28:04 - 28:04

    Yeah.

    28:04 - 28:05

    Guarantee you that.

    28:06 - 28:11

    And if you've brought another life into the world, it's your responsibility.

    28:11 - 28:13

    So you live for the baby now.

    28:14 - 28:17

    The baby will run your life whether you like it or not.

    28:18 - 28:22

    So just follow, follow your baby and give it everything it needs.

    28:24 - 28:24

    All right.

    28:24 - 28:29

    Well, I think that just about wraps it up for sleep.

    28:29 - 28:36

    I'm sure there's plenty of other things we can touch on with sleep, but we'll let you guys let us know what you want to hear about.

    28:36 - 28:37

    But thank you for tuning in.

    28:38 - 28:41

    We hope you've learned something and we'll see you next episode.

    28:41 - 28:41

    See ya.

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Season 1, Episode 3: Tummy Time

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Season 1, Episode 1: Breastfeeding